[Monday November 17th, 2008 10:23pm ] _love_always_ my life box is small, uncomfortable, messy and frustrating. There is room for one more. Any takers? 2 comments|post comment

[Monday November 17th, 2008 2:36am ] cup_of_sugar Man, I hate when this happens. I'm laying in bed... Just about to fall asleep. and I'm thinking about some stuff. And then I start thinking of something that I really want to write in my livejournal. I know if I don't get it out, I'll forget it by the morning. Which has happened before. So, here I am... almost 3 in the morning. I have to wake up in 5 hours, and I'm writing in my livejournal. haha. I was playing Monopoly today. I noticed that I'd have bad luck for however many turns; crappy stuff would happen. Then, I'd have a good luck streak for a while. Instead of getting upset about my bad luck, I realized that it's necessary. It is necessary to go through bad streaks, to get to good ones. Don't stress so much when bad things happen, because your luck will change. Appreciate the good things, because you will experience bad things. It's all balanced. Even if we don't see it. I also related this to my past relationships and my boyfriends. I needed to go through how shitty my last relationship was, to appreciate how good mine is now. It was necessary for me to experience all that, to learn to be a better person and how to be in a relationship. It prepared me to get good for my future relationships. My boyfriend tells me, 'how did i get such a girl?' and how shitty his last relationship was. Sometimes he talks as if he doesn't deserve this? But, I think he does. He went through so much bullshit, that now this is his payoff. Kelsey was his "Go To Jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200." card. Now, he finally, after so much crap, lands on "Free Parking". Not that I am free parking. ;p Same for me? I've had so much bad luck with guys. Now, at almost 19, I finally found a good one? Things didn't start perfect... but I think they will be from now on. I have these moments, where I almost have an epiphany on how much I really care for him. We spent the last couple days together, and while we were walking around downtown with my mom and brother and squeeze-y doll after breakfast, I realized how awesome it was that we were just messing around, being silly, and cracking jokes. I loved how comfortable I feel around him. Even in front of my family. I've never been one to show PDA in front of them. At all actually. With him, I couldn't stop myself! :) Ah; I'm so happy with my life. Sure, there are a few things I would change. I would like to get my shit a bit more together. But, I feel on top of the world being with him. :) I'm not sure which pile I drew from. Be it, Chance or Community Chest. But Thank you. I'm not sure what I rolled on the dice. But, thank you for helping me land on Free Parking. post comment

[Monday November 17th, 2008 12:49am ] _love_always_ Well, It's been three days now. I felt better at first. Now I kinda just feel bad again. Today wasn't easy. Tomorrow will be harder. And the next will be even harder. Nothing feels right anymore. I would like to get SOMETHING resolved MUCH sooner rather than later. post comment

LJ News Special Edition: Server Move, Permanent Account Sale Update, A La Carte Userpics [Sunday November 16th, 2008 11:35pm ] news [theljstaff] Welcome to a Very Special Edition of LJ News. Moving Day and What It Means for You Moving What Where? The long-awaited server move takes place this Tuesday, November 18, at 8:00 a.m. PST. We're moving the site from servers based in San Francisco to the servers in our new data center in Montana. A massive data move like this takes a lot of heavy lifting, and to haul all that data from San Francisco to Montana, we have to take the site down, starting at 8:00 a.m. PST on Tuesday morning. We don't think the move will take more than four hours, but there's always the possibility that it could take longer (the best laid plans and all). What Does This Mean for You? During the downtime, nothing on LJ will be available—no posting, no Friends page, no LJ mail, nada. When we bring the site back up, we're going to ease into it rather than open up a floodgate of traffic. Posting might not be immediately available or the site could be slow to load for a while. New servers mean new IP addresses, so it's possible that LJ mail might not reach your email inbox because your email provider or client doesn't recognize the new IP addresses. We're working with email providers to whitelist the new IPs. There are a few things you can do on your end: Add these two IP addresses to your "allowed senders" list (or whitelist) and address book in your email client: 208.93.0.18 and 208.93.0.50. These are the new IPs for sending comments notifications and LJ mail to your email inbox. Add lj_notify@livejournal.com and webmaster@livejournal.com to your email address book. If you can't edit the spam or junk filters in your email client, you may need to disable them entirely. Make these changes just before 8:00 a.m. PST on Tuesday morning or shortly after the site comes back up to ensure that your LJ mail makes it to your inbox. Those of you who use domain aliasing to forward your domain to your LiveJournal will need to create a CNAME record that maps to livejournal.com. Please note that we're no longer supporting the A record. For more information, check the domain forwarding FAQ. Before the move, you can check lj_maintenance for complete details about the planned downtime. During the move, you can check status.livejournal.org for updates about the site's status. Permanent Account Sale Delayed We regret to inform you that due to the server move, the Permanent Account sale has been pushed back to December 4, rather than November 20 as announced in the last news post. After the virtual dust has settled from the move, we'll be able to turn our attention to the Permanent Account sale. Except for the start date, the details remain the same: You have a limited opportunity to purchase LJ for life for only $175. It's a bummer to delay the sale, but on the bright side, you have more time to save up. But What About A La Carte Userpics? We know we promised more information about a la carte userpics, and we're sorry that details have not been forthcoming (blame it on the move). We're still planning on having a la carte userpics, but we don’t have any details yet. When the move is over, we'll have more information. We're sorry for the delay. 582 comments|post comment

Costa Rica [Sunday November 16th, 2008 7:31pm ] yourenothelping I just wanted to repost and update this, if you want to donate below is an up to date list of supplies that are needed. During the winter break from Dec 14th - 22nd, I will be volunteering with Foundations for International Medical Relief of Children (FIMRC) with a small group of 7 to Clinica San Felipe, in the town of Alajuelita, Costa Rica to help the needs of Nicaraguan immigrant children living in extremely impoverished conditions. Since these children are not Costa Rican citizens, they cannot receive government health care and are medically underserved. These children live in the barrios, El Jazmin, Los Pinos and Tejarcillos. The barrios are made up of small tin dwellings that are densely packed and often house several individuals. Poor sanitation and lack of clean water make the children very susceptible to malnutrition, infectious diseases, and parasitic and diarrheal illnesses. If you are interested in helping out these children and their community, you can help gather up donations to create a care package to take with my group and I, and we will personally deliver it to them on our trip. It would mean a whole lot and will place a positive change in their lives. If you have any other ideas that would help, please let me know. Here is the most up-to-date list of needed medical supplies - Toothpaste and Toothbrushes - Ziploc bags for packaging medicine - Pipe cleaners, construction paper, coloring books, crayons, stickers for crafts with kids - Vitamins for adults and children for health supplements - Clothing for adults or children and can be used or new - Body soap in bar form - Selsun blue for topical skin rashes - Hand sanitizer - Pregnancy tests - Oral dehydration packets - Index cards for medicine instructions for patients - Head lice shampoo to treat lice - Hydrocortisone cream, Betamethasone - Acetaminophen, Tylenol, Motrin, Advil, etc. (liquid) for Infants, children for painkillers - Benadryl for allergy/antihistamine - Cough medicine More information here, http://www.fimrc.org/alajuelita_info.php If you have any further questions or concerns, just reply and comment, email, and/or text. Thank you very much, Vill Eala Jr. veala@ucsd.edu 831-596-6477 1 comment|post comment

Small Bruvva [Monday November 17th, 2008 8:41am ] minxyminou [ music | Hot Chip - Ready for the floor ] ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) post comment

Love..is the province of the brave.. [Sunday November 16th, 2008 7:37pm ] minxyminou [ music | Tv on the Radio - Province ] ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) post comment

I hate crying. [Saturday November 15th, 2008 12:32am ] _love_always_ Well no more boyfriend/girlfriend. At least for right now. I have been crying a lot lately, loosing a lot of sleep and eating horribly but today that's going to stop. We have come to a common ground. We are happy. We are still a part of each other's lives but just as the best of friends. We love each other and can't loose each other... so we aren't. There are some other things I need to sort out but that can wait a day or two. I have the next few days of awesome friends to heal me. I am sad but I am at ease. It isn't fair of me to be in a relationship when I have feelings for someone else. So I'm not. Who knows where this will lead but right now I have a tremendous connection with someone who I really care about. I have a lot of good going for me. Thanks karma for giving me some good back:) I think it's safe to say I have the happiest frown in the world tonight. I love you all, Until next time. Mosie post comment

[Friday November 14th, 2008 2:51am ] cup_of_sugar Okay, so... I'm skipping out on a meal right now, to get out all my thoughts that have been FLOODING my brain for the past couple hours. I am ridiculous for my boyfriend. Honestly, we were all playing board games at Kev's house, and for the last bit of LIFE, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I was just watching him being the banker, with puppy love eyes. And I knew it. I felt like 1,000,000 butterflies on meth, were fluttering around my insides. I just kept thinking, 'wow. he means so much to me. he's wonderful.' I do not get this way for boys. For anyone. I feel like a big weirdo. I had an epiphany today too. I don't think I got across to him, how important it was for me. All my crazy insecurities. Conflictions. Contradictions. They are going to be mostly gone. My mother and I were watching House. One of the characters cheated on their wife. In the last scene, his wife forgives him. Climbs into his arms, obviously missing him. Now, my mom has NO idea what has been going on recently. And, she says to me. "You know, if your father cheated on me... and told me. I would forgive him. I mean, it's just exercise really. What we have, is bigger than that." I almost started bawling. I had to really hold back. I was just, shocked. I thought about it, and she is completely right. Now, i have full confidence in my relationship. I feel I can really start fresh. Accept it, and move on. It was... invigorating. He gave me a ring today. I love it so much. And like, I feel like it's kinda a big thing? In a good way. It's prettyy. :) My favorite color, my birthstone, and just amazing all rolled up into one. It makes me so happy, every time I look at it. boyfriend's calling! more later. post comment

Smells like summer.. [Friday November 14th, 2008 3:48pm ] minxyminou [ music | Rain ] ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) 1 comment|post comment

[Thursday November 13th, 2008 4:37pm ] cup_of_sugar I have so many emotions inside of me. I feel like I'm fighting what wants to spill from me; out of fear. I'm so scared of so many things. Sometimes, I hate being so logical. I'm glad it's out there though. I really am. It just felt... so right. I want to keep it between us though. I'm not ready for it to be said regularly. I want it to be our secret. :) Ah; I'm happy. But, again, I'm scared to be. I just don't know if I can open up fully. So many contradictions. I'm so confused on so many levels. What is the right things to do? This post doesn't make any fucking sense. post comment

I don't even know. [Thursday November 13th, 2008 7:42pm ] pretty_mohawks I have this ball growing in my stomach, kinda like when I feel an anxiety attack is coming on. I feel like something isn't right and I can't place it and its really eating at me. I wish I could talk to someone, face to face and not over the stupid fucking internet, but I don't think they'd really care. That and I'm always paranoid that they're on the other side of the screen laughing or mocking anyway. What's the point? 1 comment|post comment

morning note from mommy [Thursday November 13th, 2008 11:39am ] _love_always_ "Mosie-O-Doddie, Make sure to ALWAYS be true to your heart NO MATTER WHAT, oh and empty the dishwasher afterwards. Hee-Hee. Love, Mutti" Today I work. Today I don't want to. I've got brains in my head and feet in my shoes but right now both of them are kind of in the wrong place. Please let this weekend be good. post comment

Oh yes..they will be mine.. [Thursday November 13th, 2008 5:02pm ] minxyminou [ music | Soulwax - krackk ] ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) 1 comment|post comment

[Wednesday November 12th, 2008 1:03pm ] _love_always_ God, I feel like hell tonight Tears of rage I cannot fight I'd be the last to help you understand Are you strong enough to be my man? Nothing's true and nothing's right So let me be alone tonight Cause you can't change the way I am Are you strong enough to be my man? I have a face I cannot show I make the rules up as I go It's try and love me if you can Are you strong enough to be my man? 2 comments|post comment

Public Transport Retards [Thursday November 13th, 2008 6:06am ] minxyminou [ music | Hot Chip - Ready for the floor ] ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) 3 comments|post comment

[Monday November 10th, 2008 2:22pm ] cup_of_sugar Here is my entry, as promised, about 'The L-bomb'. I do not want to make the same mistakes, as I have in the past. Honestly, I don't know what the hell love is. It scares the crap out of me. I mean, the things people do...for love? I do not want to drop the L-bomb too soon. When the time comes, I want to say it, and mean it with every inch of me. I want to relish in the feeling of being absolutely head over heels, before I let everyone else know I am. Take a look at my last relationship... I had so many feelings when it was all new, that I mistook them for being in love with someone. Which is why, right here, right now, I want to ride this out a bit. Make sure what I'm saying, IS what I'm feeling. Not just saying what I'm still trying to figure out. I am not going to rush into things this time. I've rushed into my whole life. I'm a bit angry with myself about one thing right now. Seriously, when I get drunk, i don't have a filter in my brain. I get word vomit. A lot of times, it's fine. It's a good thing. But, every now and then I get ahead of myself. I mean, everything that followed it was lovely... And I think it's fine. I'm just glad nothing was said out-loud. I'm just not ready for it. I just have to keep reminding myself... It's only been two weeks. Have some patience. Two weeks. So much stuff has happened. You need to take a breath, take a step back. It's been two fucking weeks. In one week, you can't have something fucked up; then, the next week, drop the L-bomb. Get your sense back! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Tame your fucking emotions. post comment

[Monday November 10th, 2008 12:24pm ] _love_always_ It takes a lot to make me not even want to touch him and I didn't last night. This shit is fucking depressing. Now that everyone knows that I'm leaving work. They are mocking me and not doing what i tell them to. It's definitely making this next month and 1/2 go by much slower. 4 comments|post comment

Daily outfit: Ultra Blue [Monday November 10th, 2008 11:56am ] toohaute [doedeere] ( + 4 ) Top: Alice Temperley Skirt: handmade Bra: some leopard one, not sure of the brand Belt: vintage Tights: blue ones Shoes: Nine West Coin necklace: flea market Purse: Target Eyeshadows: Lime Crime :) 2 comments|post comment

[Monday November 10th, 2008 1:33am ] cup_of_sugar I find myself thinking about last weekend less and less. But, occasionally, it will just hit me like a ton of bricks. And I look at him, or at our relationship, and think...but it happened. I'll catch myself about to say, 'you're perfect for me.' or 'you're the best boyfriend ever.' But I stop myself because it's really 'you're ALMOST perfect for me.' or 'you're ALMOST the best boyfriend ever.' I feel like a fool to have let all of this pass so quickly. I let my emotions and feelings get ahead of my better judgement. This shouldn't have been so damn easy. I mean, I know it wasn't at first... but I want to get some kind of point or lesson across. I want him to know, this was something that's absolutely not okay. Not easily forgivable. Or forgettable. annddd he's calling me. :) ill write more tomorrow. i've got some stuff to get out about the 'L-bomb'. post comment

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